Winner Takes All
by Qwi-Xux
Summary: When Vaan is involved, there's always trouble. Good thing Penelo's there to bail him out. One-shot.


**A/N: I have no idea where in the world this came from, or even if it remotely makes sense. I think my mind just needed a break from writing angst/tension/twisted stuff about Vaan and Penelo, and it threw this out there, leaving me staring at it in utter bafflement. ****I really don't know what is wrong with my muse.**

**Disclaimer: Not ever going to be mine.**

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"How do you always get yourself into these messes?"

Vaan squinted a little, trying to find the source of the exasperated voice that was assailing his ears and making his head pound worse than it already was. "Pen'lo?" his own voice sounded slurred to his ears.

"Gods, Vaan, you can't even walk through town without causing some sort of trouble!"

"'m 'kay, fanks. 'nd you?" Vaan was finally able to focus on where her voice was coming from, and he saw her standing on the other side of the jail bars. He couldn't make out of her face, though; his vision was blurry and when he tried to focus, everything doubled so that he was seeing two Penelos. Gods, that was just what he needed; one was more than enough.

"This him?" a second voice asked, and Vaan strained to see who was speaking. He eventually saw a soldier talking to Penelo. Or two soldiers talking to two Penelos. He blinked repeatedly, but it didn't do much to help.

"If I say no, will I get my gil back?" Penelo asked wryly, and Vaan did his best to glare at her through swollen eyes.

"Uh…"

"Oh, all right. I guess I'll take him."

"Right, then. Just need you to sign this, and he's all yours."

"Fantastic," Penelo grumbled, and Vaan saw her scribbling on a paper the soldier was holding out.

There was the sound of a lock turning, and the grinding noise of a metal door squeaking open. The soldier came in and dragged Vaan to his feet. He protested loudly as his head spun crazily, making him so dizzy he almost passed out right there. The soldier ignored the curses coming out of his mouth and pushed him toward Penelo, who grabbed him to keep him from falling over.

"Ooph!" she grunted, straining to keep him from crashing to the floor. "What've you been _eating? _C'mon, Vaan, I can't carry you out of here!"

Vaan ignored Penelo's grumbling and desperately felt around in his pocket for the prized possession he had landed in jail to claim. A dazed sort of grin spread across his face when he felt it there, and he relaxed, which might not have been the best idea, since it put all his weight on Penelo. She lost her grip on him and he fell to the floor. He was sure he blacked out for a moment, and when he was able to focus again, Penelo was saying, "--already _have _a head injury; you're not supposed to give yourself another one!"

"Maybe if you _healed _me instead of _yelling _at me, I wouldn't have any problems," Vaan said to her. Or tried to say to her. His speech was so mumbled that he wasn't sure any of that had actually been coherent.

Penelo must have understood some of it, because she said, "I'm not allowed to do any magic in here, Vaan. Come _on._" She tugged on his arm, and he almost pulled her down in his attempt to get back on his feet.

As soon as they were out of the soldiers' station, Penelo let go of Vaan, who collapsed to the ground, and cast Curaga on him. Immediately, the pounding in his skull dissipated, the swelling around his mouth and eyes went down, and he could quite clearly see Penelo standing before him, hands planted on her hips. He shook his head back and forth happily and jumped to his feet. "Thanks, Penelo!"

"Oh, no, you don't." Penelo grabbed his arm as he prepared to dart away. "What is going on, Vaan? Tomaj comes and tells me that you've been arrested, and he was laughing so hard I could hardly understand him. Something about underwear? And the soldiers said you were trying to steal _fish_?"

"I was _not _stealing fish, Penelo. The stupid fish vendor thought I was after his goods just because I crashed into his cart. He's got a nasty right-hook." Vaan rubbed his face.

"Crashed into it?"

"Well, fell on top of it. Nasty left-hook, too."

"_Fell_? How can you fall on _top _of a fish vendor's cart?"

"I didn't exactly _mean _to do it, Penelo."

Penelo's eyebrows went up. "I'd be worried if you meant to do it, Vaan. No, scratch that. You've meant to do stranger things."

"I fell because I was running across the roof next to the stupid vendor's cart. Part of the roof was broken and I tripped."

Penelo sighed in exasperation. "Okay, so what were you doing on the roof?"

"Well…"

"Vaan," Penelo said suspiciously, looking at the huge smile spreading across his face.

"I was on the roof because it was the best escape route from the palace." Vaan was positively smirking now. "C'mon, Penelo, if you're not going to let me go, then you'll have to come with me to see Tomaj. I've gotta collect on my bet."

"What bet?"

"Tomaj bet that I couldn't find out what color Ashe's underwear are!"

Penelo stared at him. _"What?"_

Vaan whipped his prize out of his pocket, holding it in front of Penelo. Queen Ashelia B'nargin Dalmasca's underwear, red with little black skulls all over it.

Ten seconds later, Vaan found himself flat on the ground, a nasty bump throbbing on his head, where there was sure to be an imprint of the blunt end of Penelo's stave on his skull. From his prone position, he could see Penelo stalking away from him, but, he realized triumphantly, he was still holding the underwear. He held it up and waved it. "This explains a lot, you know!" he called after her.

Maybe after Tomaj had paid up, he could sell it to Balthier or something. Who had ever guessed there could be a fortune to be made in underwear thievery?

Ha. And people said he was dumb.

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**-fin-**


End file.
